So I have a rule, everyone should have a two date minimum. Give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they were nervous, and go out for a second time. That being said, I had to relive the Mr. Panda nightmare all over again. Damn it!
I avoided Mr. Panda’s Thursday only texts for two weeks. Yes, you read that correctly, he would only text on a Thursday. Lucky for me it was the holidays, so I this awkward hiatus was acceptable. I finally gave into his request for a second date; he wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant for dinner. The thought of reliving a meal with this man made me panic. I suggested we go to the movies instead and even allowed him to pick. We, I should say I, settled on a place and time….
Before I ventured into this experience, I decided to play it differently. I would be assertive and speak my mind about the things that bothered me while we were together. I was tired of being nice and not getting what I needed. Maybe it was me and not him… fat chance.
Dooms day arrived. He showed up before me once again, this time I told him he needed to meet me outside. He was not a happy panda…. When we met, the line had grown long for the movie and was blocking the entrance. He said we could go in ahead of the line since we had tickets. When I tried to walk in, there was a large man blocking my path, I turned to Panda giving him the look …. “be a strong, brave man and get this dude out of the way..” He was not getting it… I said, “Panda there is a big man blocking our way.” Charming response from the panda: “Aren’t you going to do something about it?” “Get him to move.” Me?! I’m sorry, who has the penis here?
As I counted down from 10 and got us seats, he loudly (what happened to his dainty whisper voice) declares that he likes when I tell him what to do. He likes bossy women and really enjoys when they control him…. Wow! I casually, for fear of killing one of us, let it go and try to keep the conversation light—bamboo, the climate in China, his black and white markings… I think I am in the clear with this conversation when he blurts out, “By the way, I spoke to friend you have had since the fifth grade, and he told me all about you. He told me everything since you were like 10.” Hmmmm… who should I be more mad at, old friend or Mr. Panda?! Why is he telling everyone in a 10 mile radius about us? Why is he actually sharing with me that he is a gossip queen? Grrr….
Ah but my cosmic revenge would come… Mr. Panda was so uncomfortable with all the sex and drugs in the movie we were watching, I thought he might melt into a puddle. This gave me slight satisfaction, as he picked the movie and laughed at my suggested choice. The date ended with my body language screaming: if you even try to touch me, kiss me, or breathe near me, I will kill you.” After another horrible experience, I wrote off Mr. Panda. We were definitely not going to have a little Bao Bao anytime soon.
He got the hint, or so I thought. Consistently on Thursdays for the next two weeks I received texts from Mr. Panda asking me out, even though all signs pointed to hell no. I, being a puss, ignored the texts instead of being straight forward. I think I did this because I did not want any repercussions for my mom. At least that’s what I told myself; so much for being assertive.
The lesson in all this… screw the rules if you can’t stand the guy. Stop making others happy when it makes you unhappy.