Month: March 2014

The Great Lingerie Debate

Since I am newly single after being in a long, comfortable relationship, I am improving a few areas in hopes of attracting a man instead of these “man boys” I have been acquiring by the dozen.  I thought I would start small… lingerie… nothing crazy, maybe attempt to match my bra and underwear perhaps?

Let’s get something straight here… I have never been the lingerie type.  I am all about comfort.  My undergarments are usually flesh colored (very practical), they are not sexy or slutty, and they are usually cotton.  I can’t even say the word panties (I cringe as I type the letters) for goodness sake!  I am not one to dog ear the lingerie catalog with plans of showing off my goods.  In fact,   I used to think it didn’t matter because it was coming off in five minutes… plus, X did not care what I wore.  Come to think of it, most of my old relationships did not care one way or the other… This new change would require research, lingerie is costly after all.

I started with my girlfriends-very few (OK one) had sexy lingerie.  Most of my friends are in the same boat as me or worse (sports bras aren’t just for the gym anymore apparently-thanks Genie Bra)… we wear what is comfortable on a daily basis unless we know something is going to happen.  For those moments, we dig a little deeper in the drawer and find our one go to matching set.  But what happens if you’re not “prepared”—are you rocking something that says “take me now” or something that says “enter at your own risk”?

Then I consulted Oldest and Most Brutally Honest Male Friend; his response was an eye opener… “Would you rather have a nicely wrapped present or a present wrapped in newspaper?  Obviously you want your gifts to look pretty, so shouldn’t that apply to your body?”  He is right!   I put effort into what others are seeing-my outfit, I should put the same effort into what I am seeing-the lingerie.   If I am feeling sexy, won’t I broadcast that message to others?  Maybe it would make the process a little easier and more fun.

That being said… I am not going to run out and raid Victoria’s Secret (baby steps), but I am going to try and break free of my flesh colored cotton bonds and add a little lace to the mix.  I am a gift; I should have a pretty bow after all. J

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Friends Without Benefits

Well I am back at it… attracting the male misfits of the world.  This is a good one, one which left me puzzled to the point that I was speechless…

Here is a little back story to set the stage… I have a friend at work.  He is younger, by eight years; parties hard; fun to talk to; has a serious girlfriend–all qualities that would make him a friend/cool guy to keep you entertained during the down time; nothing more than that.  We have flirted in the past, but it was clearly established that he had a girlfriend and I was not pursuing that in any fashion.  He also made it clear that he had a crush on me but loved her.  Boundaries established?  Yeah, not so much…

I should have seen the storm brewing; it started with a rumor… He picked up my salad and brought it to my desk, I said “thanks babe” and that was all the gossip hounds needed to say we “were dating” or “sleeping together.”  Apparently the two are synonymous these days… who knew!?

He brought the rumor to my attention, which made me angry (I have the reputation of purity, almost angel status, to uphold here).   I wanted to work as a team to bring down the gossip hounds and deflate the rumor.  He wanted to relish in the attention like it was a secret fantasy.  After a lengthy discussion I said, “If we keep this going, what’s next?  We make out at work?”  It was like someone waved the green flag in front of him….

As I sat at my desk, he spun on his heels, grabbed my face and kissed me!  Not a gentle, casual kiss on the lips; he came in mouth open, guns blazing, ready to rumble.  To say I was flustered or shocked is an understatement.  I was speechless, it was evident.  His response, “Let’s try that again!” Ok pal, are we kidding here?  It was time to stand my ground, but what does one say when they were just mouth raped?!

I told him he was inappropriate; we were at work; there were cameras; he had a girlfriend for God’s sake!  He told me I sent mixed messages; she would never find out; his ego was bruised.  I think it is safe to say you know how this ends up—I hate him and want to murder him and he acts like nothing happened.  Ah men…

So I am left with these questions… Whatever happened to innocent flirting?  Whatever happened to guys and girls being just friends?

Exciting News

Not too long ago I was approached by Singles Warehouse, a great site, to write a post for them.  After some careful thought, I came up with a topic that is oh so near and dear to my heart…. INTERNET STALKING.  Although I am very guilty of doing this, very, very guilty… I can see the potential harm in doing it.  Please check out my post on their site and let me know what you think by posting comments.

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/?p=29905

Could Online Stalking Be Bad For Your Dating Life (1)

Deal Breakers

Sitting with one of my oldest and most brutally honest male friends, I decided to probe him and get to the bottom of what guys are really looking for… or better yet, what pushes them away.  We got into a very interesting conversation on deal breakers.

Needy…. Clingy… Frigid… These were of few the words that came up.  They really stuck with me because they sound like someone’s worst nightmare, male or female.

Needy and clingy can be describe with almost the same words.  The person becomes your main focus; you think about them all the time, you want to talk to them, to see them, to text them (guilty!).  Who could blame you-you like them and enjoy their company.  Shouldn’t they enjoy yours and feel the same?  Be careful-there is a fine line between showing your interest and showing your obsessed.

This is a typical needy girl move- you text a guy you went on a date with twice.   You start to go ballistic that he didn’t respond to your text messages within two hours.  Here come the questions and negative thoughts… Does he like me?  Should I call him?  What did I do wrong?  Did he find someone else?  I’ll call him so we can talk about it.  Danger!  You have now become a Stage 5 Clinger.  Abort immediately, this one is a goner, darling.

Guys are attracted to confident girls.  I mean don’t we look for the same thing when we look for a guy?  Do we really want that guy that shows up to the bar when we are hanging out with girlfriends because he was worried when we didn’t answer his text an hour ago?  Kind of sucks the sexiness right out of him no matter how hot he is.  Neediness and clinginess come down to you defining yourself based on other people—makes you seem weak and insecure.  Everyone has insecurities but there is a tipping point when grave insecurity becomes pathetic and annoying.

Frigid is not a complex concept either, we are talking about guys here aren’t we.   It’s whether or not you have a sexually healthy appetite.  No one says you have to be a porn star in the bedroom, but taking chances shows that you trust your partner and you are willing to open yourself up to new experiences with them.  Always within reason of course, and only what you are comfortable with.

This is not rocket science, although having the self control to do this makes it seem like it is.  What cause us women to become “crazy” you ask… Being pushed into neediness or clinginess is based on the mixed messages guys send.  When guys are not able to express emotions or not able to communicate and problem solve or work through a solutions, it forces us to come up with our own scenarios, usually negative.

I discovered that the things that are turning guys away are the same things that turn us girls away.  The only difference, guys are quicker to toss a girl aside while we are busy trying to change the guy or make excuses for him, or worse, blame ourselves.