Dating… it’s crazy and it seems that I get myself into the weirdest, most awkward, drama inducing situations.
When I broke up with X, I started to reconnect with friends that I had been “off limits.” Along that journey, I reconnected with a male friend from college. This was the guy I had all my good stories with, the guy who took me on adventures, got me into trouble, and I didn’t have to impress because we were friends. It was one of the easiest and enjoyable friendships I have ever had. He was exactly what I needed in my life after all this nonsense.
It started off innocent and simple-catch up on the present, rehash the past, and discuss the future. Somewhere in between talking about a jello party and why we were both single, flirting ensued. Now this wasn’t normal flirting, this was raw and emotional. Maybe because there was a pre established comfort level there, but we shared things that most people don’t share after six months of dating even after a lifetime together. And so it began, against my better judgment, I feel for this guy-hard.
Slow down with the celebrations over there—this is me and we all know my life is complicated.
New Guy, or shall we call him World Traveler, does not live in the same state as me. In fact, he does not really have a state to call home because he travels all over the world for work. He is rarely in the area, and when he is, it is for 48 hours (if we are lucky). You can only imagine how obnoxious that is! We have roughly laid eyes on each other three times in the past two months (talk about long distance huh?). We work opposite schedules which makes communication a nightmare as well. We talk every day, by text mostly, and have set up “rules” for our relationship survival (still a work in progress).
Are you screaming at me through the computer yet? Are you telling me this is the biggest mistake ever? Well… you should be…. this gets interesting and ugly….
How do we get what we want in bed, without insulting our partners, or coming off as bitchy or complaining? The obvious and very annoying answer is communication. I knew that already, but the other question is—how does one communicate these personal and sometimes awkward things? I consider myself very blunt and straightforward (too blunt and straightforward?!?), so I have put together a little tips sheet if you will. And once again, I am going to take my own advice.
Be the teacher not the student….
Nonverbal communication works wonders when it comes to sex and even other things. Words can come out wrong or be misinterpreted, especially in the heat of the moment or when you’re getting down and dirty. Show your partner how you’d like to be touched, moaning and verbal enthusiasm will let them know what turns you on, while gentle redirection with hand or body position will show them what doesn’t. However, if your partner is a little slow on picking up the nonverbals or entering uncharted territory, you might need to spell it out.
Take a mental time out….
No matter what men and women say or how confident they appear, the bedroom is a scary place. Let’s think about this, you’re pale and naked; depending on the position, things look really good or damn scary, who wouldn’t be self conscious and fully focused on what they are doing?! Both sexes say that feeling emotionally connected is the most important part of mind-blowing sex. Stop worrying about what you look like and what you’re doing wrong. In fact, STOP THINKING all together. Let your partner know what they are doing right. So… grip the sheets. Beg. Plead. Talk dirty. Pull some hair. SHOW SOME ENTHUSIAM! There’s no better way to ease your fears and someone else’s than to show you’re enjoying yourself.
Sex should be exciting and so should the events leading up to it. Try different things to get you in the mood. Sexy lingerie (see previous post), porn, sexting, even good old fashioned making out. This should be considered part of foreplay; which should be a stroll, not a sprint. Spice it up in and out of the boudoir.
The most important thing to remember in all this is that sex is supposed to be fun. Once it becomes work or a chore, it is time to make a change—in the action not the partner (yet!).