How do we get what we want in bed, without insulting our partners, or coming off as bitchy or complaining? The obvious and very annoying answer is communication. I knew that already, but the other question is—how does one communicate these personal and sometimes awkward things? I consider myself very blunt and straightforward (too blunt and straightforward?!?), so I have put together a little tips sheet if you will. And once again, I am going to take my own advice.
Be the teacher not the student….
Nonverbal communication works wonders when it comes to sex and even other things. Words can come out wrong or be misinterpreted, especially in the heat of the moment or when you’re getting down and dirty. Show your partner how you’d like to be touched, moaning and verbal enthusiasm will let them know what turns you on, while gentle redirection with hand or body position will show them what doesn’t. However, if your partner is a little slow on picking up the nonverbals or entering uncharted territory, you might need to spell it out.
Take a mental time out….
No matter what men and women say or how confident they appear, the bedroom is a scary place. Let’s think about this, you’re pale and naked; depending on the position, things look really good or damn scary, who wouldn’t be self conscious and fully focused on what they are doing?! Both sexes say that feeling emotionally connected is the most important part of mind-blowing sex. Stop worrying about what you look like and what you’re doing wrong. In fact, STOP THINKING all together. Let your partner know what they are doing right. So… grip the sheets. Beg. Plead. Talk dirty. Pull some hair. SHOW SOME ENTHUSIAM! There’s no better way to ease your fears and someone else’s than to show you’re enjoying yourself.
Sex should be exciting and so should the events leading up to it. Try different things to get you in the mood. Sexy lingerie (see previous post), porn, sexting, even good old fashioned making out. This should be considered part of foreplay; which should be a stroll, not a sprint. Spice it up in and out of the boudoir.
The most important thing to remember in all this is that sex is supposed to be fun. Once it becomes work or a chore, it is time to make a change—in the action not the partner (yet!).