drama

New Year, New…. Blog?

To my dearest followers, my random searchers, and all my new comers-

I would like to start by apologizing for the lack of content on the blog.  When I first started this project, I wanted to be a voice and friend for people going through similar situations: realtionship drama, friend drama, drama drama.  As life become more crazy, the blog took a backseat.  I think I started to struggle with new content and the overall direction of the blog.  I was lost and the blog suffered…. 

I was struck with renewed inspiration when I saw fellow bloggers posting about their “blogaversaries.”  Let’s be honest, I was also reminded when the bill hit to renew my domain name that I have not said a peep on here or Twitter.  That is al about to change.  Screw those diet resolutions, and workout resolutions- I making a blogging resolution. 

I have decided to make some changes and offer more variety to the blog. As always, I am interested in feedback on how to make the blog better, what to add or take away, or general comments to know you guys are still out there.   I will be back on Twitter and I will also be launching an Instagram-address to follow.

I am excited to be back.  I hope you guys welcome me back and stick around and share your opinions.

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Where Have I Been?

Dating… it’s crazy and it seems that I get myself into the weirdest, most awkward, drama inducing situations.

When I broke up with X, I started to reconnect with friends that I had been “off limits.”  Along that journey, I reconnected with a male friend from college.  This was the guy I had all my good stories with, the guy who took me on adventures, got me into trouble, and I didn’t have to impress because we were friends.  It was one of the easiest and enjoyable friendships I have ever had.   He was exactly what I needed in my life after all this nonsense.

It started off innocent and simple-catch up on the present, rehash the past, and discuss the future.  Somewhere in between talking about a jello party and why we were both single, flirting ensued.  Now this wasn’t normal flirting, this was raw and emotional.  Maybe because there was a pre established comfort level there, but we shared things that most people don’t share after six months of dating even after a lifetime together.  And so it began, against my better judgment, I feel for this guy-hard.

Slow down with the celebrations over there—this is me and we all know my life is complicated.

New Guy, or shall we call him World Traveler, does not live in the same state as me.  In fact, he does not really have a state to call home because he travels all over the world for work.  He is rarely in the area, and when he is, it is for 48 hours (if we are lucky).  You can only imagine how obnoxious that is!  We have roughly laid eyes on each other three times in the past two months (talk about long distance huh?).  We work opposite schedules which makes communication a nightmare as well.  We talk every day, by text mostly, and have set up “rules” for our relationship survival (still a work in progress).

Are you screaming at me through the computer yet?  Are you telling me this is the biggest mistake ever?  Well… you should be…. this gets interesting and ugly….

TO BE CONTINUED…

M.I.A.

Hello World!  Remember me?!  I know I have been missing for a bit (more to come on that later), but I am back and thinking about starting a series on my blog….

I know a few bloggers that I follow have a regular topic post –Thirsty Thursday for cocktails, Makeover Monday for fashion, Sexed Up Saturday–for, well, the obvious… I want to post about getting what you want/need whether it be in the bedroom or in a relationship or even at work.  Stay tuned because I am working on one now, and, as always, your feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Who knows, maybe this time I will actually stick to following my own advice.

Friends Without Benefits

Well I am back at it… attracting the male misfits of the world.  This is a good one, one which left me puzzled to the point that I was speechless…

Here is a little back story to set the stage… I have a friend at work.  He is younger, by eight years; parties hard; fun to talk to; has a serious girlfriend–all qualities that would make him a friend/cool guy to keep you entertained during the down time; nothing more than that.  We have flirted in the past, but it was clearly established that he had a girlfriend and I was not pursuing that in any fashion.  He also made it clear that he had a crush on me but loved her.  Boundaries established?  Yeah, not so much…

I should have seen the storm brewing; it started with a rumor… He picked up my salad and brought it to my desk, I said “thanks babe” and that was all the gossip hounds needed to say we “were dating” or “sleeping together.”  Apparently the two are synonymous these days… who knew!?

He brought the rumor to my attention, which made me angry (I have the reputation of purity, almost angel status, to uphold here).   I wanted to work as a team to bring down the gossip hounds and deflate the rumor.  He wanted to relish in the attention like it was a secret fantasy.  After a lengthy discussion I said, “If we keep this going, what’s next?  We make out at work?”  It was like someone waved the green flag in front of him….

As I sat at my desk, he spun on his heels, grabbed my face and kissed me!  Not a gentle, casual kiss on the lips; he came in mouth open, guns blazing, ready to rumble.  To say I was flustered or shocked is an understatement.  I was speechless, it was evident.  His response, “Let’s try that again!” Ok pal, are we kidding here?  It was time to stand my ground, but what does one say when they were just mouth raped?!

I told him he was inappropriate; we were at work; there were cameras; he had a girlfriend for God’s sake!  He told me I sent mixed messages; she would never find out; his ego was bruised.  I think it is safe to say you know how this ends up—I hate him and want to murder him and he acts like nothing happened.  Ah men…

So I am left with these questions… Whatever happened to innocent flirting?  Whatever happened to guys and girls being just friends?

Exciting News

Not too long ago I was approached by Singles Warehouse, a great site, to write a post for them.  After some careful thought, I came up with a topic that is oh so near and dear to my heart…. INTERNET STALKING.  Although I am very guilty of doing this, very, very guilty… I can see the potential harm in doing it.  Please check out my post on their site and let me know what you think by posting comments.

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/?p=29905

Could Online Stalking Be Bad For Your Dating Life (1)

I want a best friend not a boyfriend!

Can someone please tell me why finding a good friend is harder than finding a good man?!  I am not talking about facebook friends and twitter followers; I am talking about living breathing people who you interact with.

In your 30s people enter your life, through work, other friends, and relationships, but actual close friends those are in shorter supply.  As people approach “adult life,” priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.  It gets increasingly harder to meet the three required Cs of friendship—closeness, convenience, and comfort.  This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, and I’m left still searching.

Let’s face it, most people my age are “set in their friend ways,” so why would they be willing take on new friends they have to get to know? People become more wary about making themselves emotionally available to new people, friend or otherwise.  I thought back to the advice I constantly hear while trying to find a man: get involved, do things you love, don’t sit around, go out and meet people. So I did in hopes of finding a good friend, but none of this is working!  Like my failed attempts at trying to find a good man, I am failing at trying to find a good friend.

For example…I was shopping and a potential friend-worthy fellow shopper asked me about my handbag (love connection!).  We chatted for a moment about the bag when I noticed her handbag.  It was quilted.  It was expensive.  It was a-mazing.  Naturally, I told her I loved it, from one handbag lover to another.  If the friendship thing did not work out, I could steal her bag, right… That is when my fantasies took over.  I started to place her in my life like I do with potential love interests.   I imagined us meeting up for coffee, going out to dinner, her fixing me up with her cute older brother, sharing clothes, and becoming besties.  Before you sound the psycho alarm, I snapped out of it and started to panic.  I didn’t want her to think I was a lesbian trying to hit on her, nor did I want to appear like a loser with no friends (am I?!).  I ended it before it began, without an email exchange or hope for future meetings.  I couldn’t help but think it would be so much easier if she was a romantic interest.   At least with a romantic interest there’s flirting, chemistry and sex.  And, maybe even the added benefit of making friends with or through them.

People will say that at my age finding a mate is more important than another friend, but boyfriends come and go and friends are forever, right?!

Revenge of Mr. Panda

I thought I had heard the last of Mr. Panda Bear, but a random Thursday rolled around and I got a very odd text from him.  Mr. Panda Bear:  Do you have you tube on your iphone or ipad?  Look up-College Humor How Texting Mind Games Will Ruin Your Life.

I watched the video and rage set in!  I texted my best friend immediately.

Me: watch this video

BF: Wow! That’s pretty funny.  Where did you get that?

Me: Mr. Panda Bear sent to me.

BF: Are kidding me?!  Who does he think he is?! What is he trying to say?!  He is telling you off with a video?!

BF: Let’s send him a video of you dumping him and telling him never to contact you again!

I have included the infamous video for your viewing pleasure:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6933742/how-texting-mind-games-will-ruin-your-life

Mr. Panda Bear Part 2

So I have a rule, everyone should have a two date minimum.  Give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they were nervous, and go out for a second time.  That being said, I had to relive the Mr. Panda nightmare all over again.  Damn it!

I avoided Mr. Panda’s Thursday only texts for two weeks.  Yes, you read that correctly, he would only text on a Thursday.  Lucky for me it was the holidays, so I this awkward hiatus was acceptable.  I finally gave into his request for a second date; he wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant for dinner.  The thought of reliving a meal with this man made me panic.  I suggested we go to the movies instead and even allowed him to pick.  We, I should say I, settled on a place and time….

Before I ventured into this experience, I decided to play it differently.  I would be assertive and speak my mind about the things that bothered me while we were together.  I was tired of being nice and not getting what I needed.   Maybe it was me and not him… fat chance.

Dooms day arrived.   He showed up before me once again, this time I told him he needed to meet me outside.  He was not a happy panda…. When we met, the line had grown long for the movie and was blocking the entrance.  He said we could go in ahead of the line since we had tickets.  When I tried to walk in, there was a large man blocking my path, I turned to Panda giving him the look …. “be a strong, brave man and get this dude out of the way..”  He was not getting it… I said, “Panda there is a big man blocking our way.”  Charming response from the panda: “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”  “Get him to move.”  Me?!  I’m sorry, who has the penis here?

As I counted down from 10 and got us seats, he loudly (what happened to his dainty whisper voice) declares that he likes when I tell him what to do.  He likes bossy women and really enjoys when they control him…. Wow!  I casually, for fear of killing one of us, let it go and try to keep the conversation light—bamboo, the climate in China, his black and white markings…  I think I am in the clear with this conversation when he blurts out, “By the way, I spoke to friend you have had since the fifth grade, and he told me all about you.  He told me everything since you were like 10.”  Hmmmm… who should I be more mad at, old friend or Mr. Panda?!  Why is he telling everyone in a 10 mile radius about us?  Why is he actually sharing with me that he is a gossip queen? Grrr….

Ah but my cosmic revenge would come… Mr. Panda was so uncomfortable with all the sex and drugs in the movie we were watching, I thought he might melt into a puddle.  This gave me slight satisfaction, as he picked the movie and laughed at my suggested choice.  The date ended with my body language screaming: if you even try to touch me, kiss me, or breathe near me, I will kill you.”  After another horrible experience, I wrote off Mr. Panda.  We were definitely not going to have a little Bao Bao anytime soon.

He got the hint, or so I thought.  Consistently on Thursdays for the next two weeks I received texts from Mr. Panda asking me out, even though all signs pointed to hell no.   I, being a puss, ignored the texts instead of being straight forward.  I think I did this because I did not want any repercussions for my mom. At least that’s what I told myself; so much for being assertive.

The lesson in all this… screw the rules if you can’t stand the guy.  Stop making others happy when it makes you unhappy.

Mr. Flat Tire

Jumped back into dating and went out with “Mr. Flat Tire” (you’ll understand the name shortly) against my better judgement.  Why do I continue to ignore my gut feelings?! Because I am the girl of a million chances. So here is the story….

I’m scheduled to go on a second date with this guy. I call him an hour before the date and say, “Hey, Mr. Flat Tire! I was really looking forward to our date. I have some bad news, I have a flat tire (this was actually true.  I was looking forward to the date and I did have a flat tire). What would be an appropriate response from Mr. Flat Tire….you can choose more than one answer……
1. I’m on the treadmill, I’ll call you back in 5 minutes.
2. Can you find a car somewhere to borrow?
3. How about a donut? Do you have one of those to use? It’s safe to cross a bridge with those (no it’s not Evil Kenevil)
4. I know it’s Sunday, but I’m sure you can run to a mechanic and get it fixed and then get here in time.
5. I’ll get someone else to go and call you later.

If you circled all of those, you are a winner! Yes, I had the pleasure of getting all those responses within a span of 10 minutes. Mr. Flat Tire never asked if I was ok, if I was stuck on the side of the road, or if he could help. He didn’t even ask the obvious, can I pick you up?! All he had to do was offer, I doubt I would have accepted.

Perhaps I should have seen the warning signs with Mr. Flat Tire…. when we first me he was an aggressive, drunk jerk. Almost pushed me onto train tracks! First date he told me hew as vindictive and if someone messes with him, he will get back at them if it kills him. Danger!!!  He was a let down, just like the tire.

So I continue to ask… why do I keep giving people so many chances when they show warning signs right from the start?

The end is just the beginning…

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, well my blogging life. It is the birth of Dating, Dresses, and Drama; a dream that I have had for a few years now.  A chance to expresses myself, tell my stories, and break free of what I am “supposed to be at this age.”   It is time to tell the truth about life in your 30s, about friendships that hurt more than they help, and engagements that are meant to be broken.

How did this all get started? I am glad you asked that serious question because it has a very long and complicated history.

I haven’t discussed my relationship much to other people because I was trying to maintain my perfect image of what I was supposed to be at this age, the path I was supposed to follow, even if it was riddled with thorns and wild beasts in the form of a cruel future husband’s side of the family. I am walking away from my perfectly planned out life; from my relationship of four years, with an engagement of two.  Have you been in this relationship before? The one that you know you don’t belong in, the one you’re your family and friends tell you is toxic, where your own mother tells you to make a choice because she cannot watch her only child be emotionally abused by a guy?  For your sake I hope not.  Why did I stay you ask?  Fear.  Habit.  Security.   Expectancy.  Loneliness.  I can go on forever.  I was trapped in a hell of my own creation… I had lost myself completely in this person…in his lies and emotional unavailability and inability to love me like I wanted to be loved.  How could I leave him, he was my best friend, my partner in crime, he knew everything about me, he was my fiancé?!

Here’s what I decided:  I needed to stop worrying about what other people thought, what I was “supposed” to.  I need to start caring about myself and work towards my dreams instead of depending on others to make me happy.  I knew what my future would hold if I stayed in this relationship–bruised, broken, beat down, fight after fight, and conversations that went in circles with no result.  I know in my heart that this is not the person intended for me …I am little psychic and should trust my gut more.

Now that you know where I have come from, come with me as I figure out where I am going.  Enjoy my stories as I try to find new love, make friends, and reinvent myself.   Share your input, your ideas, your stories, so we can learn from each other.  I just freed up the passenger seat in my car and you’re more than welcome to hop in for the ride.