jerks

New Year, New…. Blog?

To my dearest followers, my random searchers, and all my new comers-

I would like to start by apologizing for the lack of content on the blog.  When I first started this project, I wanted to be a voice and friend for people going through similar situations: realtionship drama, friend drama, drama drama.  As life become more crazy, the blog took a backseat.  I think I started to struggle with new content and the overall direction of the blog.  I was lost and the blog suffered…. 

I was struck with renewed inspiration when I saw fellow bloggers posting about their “blogaversaries.”  Let’s be honest, I was also reminded when the bill hit to renew my domain name that I have not said a peep on here or Twitter.  That is al about to change.  Screw those diet resolutions, and workout resolutions- I making a blogging resolution. 

I have decided to make some changes and offer more variety to the blog. As always, I am interested in feedback on how to make the blog better, what to add or take away, or general comments to know you guys are still out there.   I will be back on Twitter and I will also be launching an Instagram-address to follow.

I am excited to be back.  I hope you guys welcome me back and stick around and share your opinions.

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Friends Without Benefits

Well I am back at it… attracting the male misfits of the world.  This is a good one, one which left me puzzled to the point that I was speechless…

Here is a little back story to set the stage… I have a friend at work.  He is younger, by eight years; parties hard; fun to talk to; has a serious girlfriend–all qualities that would make him a friend/cool guy to keep you entertained during the down time; nothing more than that.  We have flirted in the past, but it was clearly established that he had a girlfriend and I was not pursuing that in any fashion.  He also made it clear that he had a crush on me but loved her.  Boundaries established?  Yeah, not so much…

I should have seen the storm brewing; it started with a rumor… He picked up my salad and brought it to my desk, I said “thanks babe” and that was all the gossip hounds needed to say we “were dating” or “sleeping together.”  Apparently the two are synonymous these days… who knew!?

He brought the rumor to my attention, which made me angry (I have the reputation of purity, almost angel status, to uphold here).   I wanted to work as a team to bring down the gossip hounds and deflate the rumor.  He wanted to relish in the attention like it was a secret fantasy.  After a lengthy discussion I said, “If we keep this going, what’s next?  We make out at work?”  It was like someone waved the green flag in front of him….

As I sat at my desk, he spun on his heels, grabbed my face and kissed me!  Not a gentle, casual kiss on the lips; he came in mouth open, guns blazing, ready to rumble.  To say I was flustered or shocked is an understatement.  I was speechless, it was evident.  His response, “Let’s try that again!” Ok pal, are we kidding here?  It was time to stand my ground, but what does one say when they were just mouth raped?!

I told him he was inappropriate; we were at work; there were cameras; he had a girlfriend for God’s sake!  He told me I sent mixed messages; she would never find out; his ego was bruised.  I think it is safe to say you know how this ends up—I hate him and want to murder him and he acts like nothing happened.  Ah men…

So I am left with these questions… Whatever happened to innocent flirting?  Whatever happened to guys and girls being just friends?

Revenge of Mr. Panda

I thought I had heard the last of Mr. Panda Bear, but a random Thursday rolled around and I got a very odd text from him.  Mr. Panda Bear:  Do you have you tube on your iphone or ipad?  Look up-College Humor How Texting Mind Games Will Ruin Your Life.

I watched the video and rage set in!  I texted my best friend immediately.

Me: watch this video

BF: Wow! That’s pretty funny.  Where did you get that?

Me: Mr. Panda Bear sent to me.

BF: Are kidding me?!  Who does he think he is?! What is he trying to say?!  He is telling you off with a video?!

BF: Let’s send him a video of you dumping him and telling him never to contact you again!

I have included the infamous video for your viewing pleasure:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6933742/how-texting-mind-games-will-ruin-your-life

Mr. Panda Bear Part 2

So I have a rule, everyone should have a two date minimum.  Give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they were nervous, and go out for a second time.  That being said, I had to relive the Mr. Panda nightmare all over again.  Damn it!

I avoided Mr. Panda’s Thursday only texts for two weeks.  Yes, you read that correctly, he would only text on a Thursday.  Lucky for me it was the holidays, so I this awkward hiatus was acceptable.  I finally gave into his request for a second date; he wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant for dinner.  The thought of reliving a meal with this man made me panic.  I suggested we go to the movies instead and even allowed him to pick.  We, I should say I, settled on a place and time….

Before I ventured into this experience, I decided to play it differently.  I would be assertive and speak my mind about the things that bothered me while we were together.  I was tired of being nice and not getting what I needed.   Maybe it was me and not him… fat chance.

Dooms day arrived.   He showed up before me once again, this time I told him he needed to meet me outside.  He was not a happy panda…. When we met, the line had grown long for the movie and was blocking the entrance.  He said we could go in ahead of the line since we had tickets.  When I tried to walk in, there was a large man blocking my path, I turned to Panda giving him the look …. “be a strong, brave man and get this dude out of the way..”  He was not getting it… I said, “Panda there is a big man blocking our way.”  Charming response from the panda: “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”  “Get him to move.”  Me?!  I’m sorry, who has the penis here?

As I counted down from 10 and got us seats, he loudly (what happened to his dainty whisper voice) declares that he likes when I tell him what to do.  He likes bossy women and really enjoys when they control him…. Wow!  I casually, for fear of killing one of us, let it go and try to keep the conversation light—bamboo, the climate in China, his black and white markings…  I think I am in the clear with this conversation when he blurts out, “By the way, I spoke to friend you have had since the fifth grade, and he told me all about you.  He told me everything since you were like 10.”  Hmmmm… who should I be more mad at, old friend or Mr. Panda?!  Why is he telling everyone in a 10 mile radius about us?  Why is he actually sharing with me that he is a gossip queen? Grrr….

Ah but my cosmic revenge would come… Mr. Panda was so uncomfortable with all the sex and drugs in the movie we were watching, I thought he might melt into a puddle.  This gave me slight satisfaction, as he picked the movie and laughed at my suggested choice.  The date ended with my body language screaming: if you even try to touch me, kiss me, or breathe near me, I will kill you.”  After another horrible experience, I wrote off Mr. Panda.  We were definitely not going to have a little Bao Bao anytime soon.

He got the hint, or so I thought.  Consistently on Thursdays for the next two weeks I received texts from Mr. Panda asking me out, even though all signs pointed to hell no.   I, being a puss, ignored the texts instead of being straight forward.  I think I did this because I did not want any repercussions for my mom. At least that’s what I told myself; so much for being assertive.

The lesson in all this… screw the rules if you can’t stand the guy.  Stop making others happy when it makes you unhappy.

Mr. Flat Tire

Jumped back into dating and went out with “Mr. Flat Tire” (you’ll understand the name shortly) against my better judgement.  Why do I continue to ignore my gut feelings?! Because I am the girl of a million chances. So here is the story….

I’m scheduled to go on a second date with this guy. I call him an hour before the date and say, “Hey, Mr. Flat Tire! I was really looking forward to our date. I have some bad news, I have a flat tire (this was actually true.  I was looking forward to the date and I did have a flat tire). What would be an appropriate response from Mr. Flat Tire….you can choose more than one answer……
1. I’m on the treadmill, I’ll call you back in 5 minutes.
2. Can you find a car somewhere to borrow?
3. How about a donut? Do you have one of those to use? It’s safe to cross a bridge with those (no it’s not Evil Kenevil)
4. I know it’s Sunday, but I’m sure you can run to a mechanic and get it fixed and then get here in time.
5. I’ll get someone else to go and call you later.

If you circled all of those, you are a winner! Yes, I had the pleasure of getting all those responses within a span of 10 minutes. Mr. Flat Tire never asked if I was ok, if I was stuck on the side of the road, or if he could help. He didn’t even ask the obvious, can I pick you up?! All he had to do was offer, I doubt I would have accepted.

Perhaps I should have seen the warning signs with Mr. Flat Tire…. when we first me he was an aggressive, drunk jerk. Almost pushed me onto train tracks! First date he told me hew as vindictive and if someone messes with him, he will get back at them if it kills him. Danger!!!  He was a let down, just like the tire.

So I continue to ask… why do I keep giving people so many chances when they show warning signs right from the start?