love

New Year, New…. Blog?

To my dearest followers, my random searchers, and all my new comers-

I would like to start by apologizing for the lack of content on the blog.  When I first started this project, I wanted to be a voice and friend for people going through similar situations: realtionship drama, friend drama, drama drama.  As life become more crazy, the blog took a backseat.  I think I started to struggle with new content and the overall direction of the blog.  I was lost and the blog suffered…. 

I was struck with renewed inspiration when I saw fellow bloggers posting about their “blogaversaries.”  Let’s be honest, I was also reminded when the bill hit to renew my domain name that I have not said a peep on here or Twitter.  That is al about to change.  Screw those diet resolutions, and workout resolutions- I making a blogging resolution. 

I have decided to make some changes and offer more variety to the blog. As always, I am interested in feedback on how to make the blog better, what to add or take away, or general comments to know you guys are still out there.   I will be back on Twitter and I will also be launching an Instagram-address to follow.

I am excited to be back.  I hope you guys welcome me back and stick around and share your opinions.

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Where Have I Been?

Dating… it’s crazy and it seems that I get myself into the weirdest, most awkward, drama inducing situations.

When I broke up with X, I started to reconnect with friends that I had been “off limits.”  Along that journey, I reconnected with a male friend from college.  This was the guy I had all my good stories with, the guy who took me on adventures, got me into trouble, and I didn’t have to impress because we were friends.  It was one of the easiest and enjoyable friendships I have ever had.   He was exactly what I needed in my life after all this nonsense.

It started off innocent and simple-catch up on the present, rehash the past, and discuss the future.  Somewhere in between talking about a jello party and why we were both single, flirting ensued.  Now this wasn’t normal flirting, this was raw and emotional.  Maybe because there was a pre established comfort level there, but we shared things that most people don’t share after six months of dating even after a lifetime together.  And so it began, against my better judgment, I feel for this guy-hard.

Slow down with the celebrations over there—this is me and we all know my life is complicated.

New Guy, or shall we call him World Traveler, does not live in the same state as me.  In fact, he does not really have a state to call home because he travels all over the world for work.  He is rarely in the area, and when he is, it is for 48 hours (if we are lucky).  You can only imagine how obnoxious that is!  We have roughly laid eyes on each other three times in the past two months (talk about long distance huh?).  We work opposite schedules which makes communication a nightmare as well.  We talk every day, by text mostly, and have set up “rules” for our relationship survival (still a work in progress).

Are you screaming at me through the computer yet?  Are you telling me this is the biggest mistake ever?  Well… you should be…. this gets interesting and ugly….

TO BE CONTINUED…

Why is it so Easy to Fall Out of Love?

People throw the words I love you around so carelessly these days.  Men say it to get women in bed.  Women say it to find security in a relationship.  What does it actually mean to be in love?  I cannot speak for everyone else; I am not a mind reader, a doctor, or a therapist.  What I am is 30 something woman with a lot of life and dating experience, so maybe that does make me an expert….

As I sit back and reflect on my past relationship/engagement, I start to wonder… What was I thinking?!   Why couldn’t I see then what I see now?!  Why didn’t I walk away sooner?!  Why did I even say yes?!  I can ask this now because I am removed from the situation.  I have had time to think and reflect on what my life could have been.  Believe me, this wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight; it took writing this blog and realizing that I was never in love with my ex to spark the change…

I did love my ex, but I was not in love with him.  He was my best friend, I told him everything, and we had fun together.  That’s true love right?  So I thought at the time …. X was more of a girlfriend than a lover.  The love I felt for him was the same love I feel for my friends not the love I felt for HS BF or even the love I felt for The Canadian.  There was no passion, no spark, and no heat.  All the feelings I had in the beginning of the relationship, the honeymoon phase, had been replaced with resent, distrust, and disgust.  I tried to “fix it”, to “make things better”, to “force” feelings that were not there–we were engaged after all, how could I not feel the way I used to?

When all was said and done, I was left with this question…. Why is it so easy to fall out of love?

Love needs to take place between both partners; taking care of and supporting each other.  It requires trust, honestly, and respect.  Love means accepting a person for who they are; I do not want to have change someone to make us fit and work together… they will never change because you forced them or begged them to.  Sure, they may change for a little while to ease tension or appease you.  But unless that person really wants it, they want to change for them, it is never going to last it and it will only breed resentment. When we say I love you in the beginning of a relationship, we need to make sure we actually mean love and not lust.

As I go through the dating process, I have fine tuned what love looks like to me.  What it looks like in happy, successful, long term relationships.  I learned to love me first; learned to be mature enough to stand on my own.  I know that love will be disguised as lust, friendship, desperation, and comfort. To me, love is knowing that I do not need someone to complete me, but rather they should compliment me.