Today is the first day of the rest of my life, well my blogging life. It is the birth of Dating, Dresses, and Drama; a dream that I have had for a few years now. A chance to expresses myself, tell my stories, and break free of what I am “supposed to be at this age.” It is time to tell the truth about life in your 30s, about friendships that hurt more than they help, and engagements that are meant to be broken.
How did this all get started? I am glad you asked that serious question because it has a very long and complicated history.
I haven’t discussed my relationship much to other people because I was trying to maintain my perfect image of what I was supposed to be at this age, the path I was supposed to follow, even if it was riddled with thorns and wild beasts in the form of a cruel future husband’s side of the family. I am walking away from my perfectly planned out life; from my relationship of four years, with an engagement of two. Have you been in this relationship before? The one that you know you don’t belong in, the one you’re your family and friends tell you is toxic, where your own mother tells you to make a choice because she cannot watch her only child be emotionally abused by a guy? For your sake I hope not. Why did I stay you ask? Fear. Habit. Security. Expectancy. Loneliness. I can go on forever. I was trapped in a hell of my own creation… I had lost myself completely in this person…in his lies and emotional unavailability and inability to love me like I wanted to be loved. How could I leave him, he was my best friend, my partner in crime, he knew everything about me, he was my fiancé?!
Here’s what I decided: I needed to stop worrying about what other people thought, what I was “supposed” to. I need to start caring about myself and work towards my dreams instead of depending on others to make me happy. I knew what my future would hold if I stayed in this relationship–bruised, broken, beat down, fight after fight, and conversations that went in circles with no result. I know in my heart that this is not the person intended for me …I am little psychic and should trust my gut more.
Now that you know where I have come from, come with me as I figure out where I am going. Enjoy my stories as I try to find new love, make friends, and reinvent myself. Share your input, your ideas, your stories, so we can learn from each other. I just freed up the passenger seat in my car and you’re more than welcome to hop in for the ride.